


Some Kind of Goodbye

by reginahalliwell



Series: Some Kind of Goodbye [1]
Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, episode: the incredible sinking lorelais
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-25
Updated: 2014-10-25
Packaged: 2018-02-22 12:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2507393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reginahalliwell/pseuds/reginahalliwell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fix-it for "The Incredible Sinking Lorelais" in which Jess finds Rory in the midst of her breakdown, and they talk like adults.</p><p>Can be read as a stand-alone, though it is the first in a series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Kind of Goodbye

Rory ran back inside from her car—Stars Hollow was no haven for her tonight, and Lorelai was nowhere to be found. She paused outside her suite door, hearing Paris’s dominant voice intermingling with Tanna’s quiet one. Sighing, her refuge not so welcoming now, Rory turned back around and headed to her car. The car her grandparents had given her. The thought only made her more upset—it was her failure to live up to her grandparents’ expectations that had put her in this position. 

Where could she go, where could she go? Rory wanted to get away from Yale, distance herself physically from the source of her anxiety. She had never failed like this before. Never been in this position where she felt helpless. She was trying, really trying. Thought she could do it all.

Rory got in and started driving around, looking for a place, any place that could serve as her escape from the world. Just for a bit, she needed time away. 

She wandered aimlessly, getting further from her usual haunts as she went. She wanted to go somewhere that students wouldn’t be. Then again, on this Friday night, there were a lot of places students wouldn’t be.

Pulling up to a bookstore/coffeeshop she had often seen but not yet visited, Rory parked her car, deciding this place was as good as any, and went inside. She ordered a coffee and then found a quiet corner seat to sit down in. Books lined the walls, old books, new books, used books, all kinds of books. This place was comforting, safe. She could disappear into a book if she needed to be somewhere—someone—else. 

Rory pulled a hardcover from the shelf, an old copy of The Catcher in the Rye. She looked it over, considering it. For some reason the teenage rebellion seemed enthralling at the moment. Not to mention her unfortunate recent interactions with her very own Holden Caulfield. Making the decision to indulge in angst, maybe to wallow a little bit, Rory sat with the book in her chosen armchair. 

Sipping her coffee, Rory read Salinger as she had never read him before. She always responded to challenges by meeting them. She was successful, in control Rory. She never failed. She didn’t need to rebel, she wasn’t cynical. Her life had always been something she could handle. 

Not anymore. 

No, now she wasn’t good enough. She wasn’t able to handle something she should have been able to handle. Her life, for the first time, wasn’t turning out to be something she had control over. 

Well, not the first time. 

Rory didn’t let her mind stray, refocusing on the novel. She sipped her coffee, which was dark and strong, though not as strong as Lorelai made it. 

Time went on, as Rory continued reading. The bell on the door rang as someone came in—on this Friday night the place was mostly empty, but a few had come and gone while she read. This time, however, it was the last possible person Rory expected to walk in. 

His leather jacket zipped up, hair wet from the rain outside, Jess looked exactly the same. The boy who had chased her around the entire town square before professing his love for her had just walked in the door of her new favorite bookstore. In New Haven.

His head was down, he was focused on walking up to the counter. She was sitting in the corner, hidden away a little, and he clearly hadn’t seen her. He ordered a coffee and paid for it with some change and a crumpled bill pulled out of his pocket. As he waited for them to fill his cup, he turned away from the counter, fingers running through his hair to shake out the rain. His gaze fell on Rory, looking up at him in astonishment, and he froze, hand still in his hair. 

Neither one of them moved for several moments, and then he seemed to break out of the trance. Jess turned to run out the door, his coffee forgotten on the counter behind him.

“Jess, wait!” Rory found herself calling out to him, getting up out of her chair to follow him out the door. 

He waited just outside, under the awning of the coffee shop. Rory stopped short, nearly running into him as she saw him in front of her.

“Waiting,” he said, looking at her like an animal ready to flee.

“I have something to say to you.” She looked away, trying to gather her thoughts, also glad to not have to look him in the eyes.

“I’m listening.” 

“Several somethings, actually,” she prefaced, dissembling. “You told me you loved me.”

“Love you, present tense,” he corrected. 

She paused, looking at him. “Right. So you told me you love me, and at first I was shocked, then angry, then confused.”

“And now?” he questioned.

“Now…” she began, “Now I think I finally understand why you left.”

“Yeah,” he said equivocally.

“Things at Yale aren’t great—aren’t what I thought. I can’t handle the pressure. I can’t take as many classes as I should be able to, I think like a high school student, I’m failing a class!”

“I’m sure things aren’t that bad.”

“They are to me. The point is, I think I get how you felt. When you were failing out of school, when you were trying to work and be in school and be with me. I finally understand why you left.”

“Huh.”

“Still as reticent as ever, I see.”

“I guess.”

“Okay, now you’re doing that on purpose.”

Beneath his cool exterior, Rory thought she spied a smile. 

“And there’s one more thing,” Rory added.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah.” She paused, preparing herself, taking a breath. “I love you too.”

He didn’t speak, causing an extremely uncomfortable silence.

“So, yeah. I said it. I love you. Oh, wow. Now I’m saying it again. Now I’m babbling because you’re not saying anything and I don’t know what to do. I’m—” Rory rambled on, trying to fill the silence, until Jess closed the space between them to do the only thing that could effectively stop Rory’s rant.

All of a sudden, it didn’t matter than they had spent so much time apart; they kissed as though no time had passed at all. Her hand fell to the back of his neck while his slipped around her waist. It felt as comfortable as it ever had. 

When the kiss stopped, Jess leaned his forehead against Rory’s, his eyes closed as though he thought if he opened them Rory would disappear. 

Rory shifted slightly to wrap both her arms around his neck, pulling him into a close hug. Jess accepted the embrace, letting out the breath he was holding in.

“So what now?” she asked, after a moment. Before he could speak, she started again. “No, wait, don’t say anything. Don’t ruin this.”

“Who said I was gonna ruin it?” Jess asked, smiling, the implication clear.

“Right. How about we go back inside, out of the rain, and talk about this like normal people?”

“Who said you could be normal?”

“Ha ha, very funny. Come on,” she said, grabbing his hand as though nothing in the world had changed since they were together, and pulled him back inside.

She sat back in her chair, picking up the long forgotten book she had left on the seat. Jess turned around, not sure what to do, then picked up the coffee he had run out on, looking at it in his hands while Rory situated herself.

“Come on, sit down, I won’t bite,” Rory invited, trying to dissolve the tension. 

“Okay,” he said unnecessarily as he sat down in the armchair next to hers. “So, now what?” he asked, mirroring her rescinded question.

“I don’t really know. I mean, I just said it. I said what I felt and I didn’t know how you would respond but I said it anyway.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Rory looked at him and smiled, thinking back to that horrible and wonderful night. She felt so lost then, and she felt lost today, but right now, she just felt happy. She had butterflies in her stomach again—she didn’t think Jess would give her butterflies again. Not after the agony he put her through. Yet here she was.

There was a short silence again, and Rory played with the book in her hands. 

“Salinger, huh?”

Rory looked down and then around. “Yeah, I just pulled it off the shelf.”

He nodded.

“I think I get it more now than I did when I first read it. Teenage angst and all that.”

He smirked and said, “I wouldn’t know.”  
That garnered a smile from Rory, which made Jess smile more genuinely. 

“So.”

“Yeah.”

“So, what’s going on with Yale? You said something about failing a class? That doesn’t sound like the Rory Gilmore I know.”

“I haven’t failed it yet. But I’m failing. I failed a paper. And my professor told me to drop the class but if I do then I’d only be taking four classes and Gilmores don’t take four classes, they take five.”

She took a breath to continue, but Jess reached over and took one of her hands in his, Catcher in the Rye forgotten in her lap. 

“Rory,” he said quietly, “You didn’t fail out. This isn’t like me, okay? You still have plenty of time to fix this before you have to flee across the country.”

She nodded. “I just feel so…helpless. Like everything is out of my control.”

Jess stroked her hand, trying to console her. “You’re Rory Gilmore. You will figure this out. You always believed in me, so let me do the same.”

She bowed her head, embarrassed. “I probably overreacted.”

He nodded. “Probably, but that’s okay. You Gilmores redefine the word histrionic.”

“We do that, yes.” She paused. “What have you been up to? Since you—”

“Confessed my undying love for you in the street that one time? Not much. I was in California with Jimmy for a while, then I decided I couldn’t mooch off him and his girlfriend for much longer. It was nice, though. I got to see where I got the screwed up parts of me that aren’t from Liz, and I got along okay with Sasha—his girlfriend’s—kid. After that, I was in New York, stayed with some buddies, and then I heard from Liz about my car. And well, you know the rest.”

“Well, I think that might have been the most words you’ve said at one time.”

“Could be.”

“Aaand we’re back to monosyllabic boy.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know—I—I want you to tell me you’ve figured out a way to make this work. Tell me it’s all going to be okay.”

He sighed. “Rory, I want it to all be okay. I want to be that guy for you that makes everything better. I just don’t know how.”

“Things were so good… before. They could be good again, couldn’t they?”

His hand stilled, and his eyes met hers. “It’s worth a try.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “It is.”


End file.
